When the Sky Turns Grey
by thing2curtis
Summary: Part 1: The Reichenbach fall from sherlock's POV Part 2: john's nightmares return. sometime they're about war, but usually they're about sherlock.
1. Bleeding Out

_When the day has come  
__That I've lost my way around  
__and the seasons stop  
__and hide beneath the ground_

I am so sorry that I have to do this to you. If I had known things would go this far, I would have done things differently. The problem with genius is that it needs an audience. The straightforward is just so boring. I was drawn in by the beautiful complexity of the problem...The final problem... But I lost myself somewhere along the way and I let it get out of control.

* * *

Time slows down until it's almost standing still. I see the moment and I observe every detail. I see his finger: still on the trigger, sealing my fate as well as his with one small movement. I se the spark at the tip of the barrel, exploding into his mouth. I see the look of triumph still etched on his face, even as he holds the gun between his lips. And finally, i can see that I am completely powerless to stop it.

I reel backwards, almost falling. The sound of the gunshot explodes like thunder through my mind, shattering any hope I had of getting out of this just like the bullet is shattering his skull. His wide unblinking eyes stare up at me; his motionless face still contorted into a malicious grin.

_So if the last thing that I do  
__Is to bring you down_

I had really hoped it wouldn't come to this. I know it will hurt you but I swear there's no other way. Slowly, I walk to the edge of the roof and step up, carefully onto the ledge. I press the phone to my ear but I barely hear the ringing as I wait for you to pick up; dreading what I'll have to say when you do.

"Hello?"  
"John."  
"Hey, Sherlock, you ok?"

I watch you from above, you're eyes are searching the street because you still don't know where I am. I hesitate for a moment, letting you keep your innocence for a little while longer because I can already imagine the fear that will take over your face once I tell you... But I need you to stay where you are; to see what you need to see.

"Ok, look up. I'm on the rooftop."  
"Oh, God."

And there's the look...my chest feels tight. I can barely breathe. But I have to do this. I have to keep going.

"It's all true."  
"What?"  
"Everything they said about me.  
I invented Moriarty."

I look back at the body, all but immersed in a pool of dark blood. His eyes are still open, mocking me. I take a deep breath.

"Nobody could be that clever."  
"You could."

I can't help but let out a breathy chuckle. You've seen the true horrors of this world, and you still retain a special, unique innocence that amazes me. So loyal, right to the very end. I told you that there's no such thing as heroes. And I told you that if even if there were, I definitely wouldn't be one of them. But you still believed I was...until I do what I'm about to do, there will be nothing left of your faith in me. The world will believe the lies Moriarty has fed them, but I don't care, as long as the truth of who I am persists in some small corner of your memory. A tear trails down my face and drips off my chin. I will miss you so much...my one true friend.

_Oh, you tell me to hold on  
__But innocence is gone  
__and what is right is wrong_

The world is grey today. Silvery clouds hang low in the sky. Weak sunlight filters through to reflect off the wet stones below. The emptiness screams at me, calling em out into the void. People like to tell me that I don't have a heart. I know for a fact they're wrong as I can feel it, right now, heavy in my chest, weighing my down. My whole body feels numb as I look into your eyes. Even from so far away, I can see the pain written there. And I know it's my fault.

_When the sky turns grey  
__and everything is screaming  
__I will reach inside  
__Just to find my heart is beating  
_"It's a trick. Just a magic trick."

I admit to everything. I tell you I'm a fake and a liar. I confirm the suspicions that people have held about me for years.

_ So I bare my skin _

"This phone call - It's...It's my note.  
It's what people do, don't they -  
leave a note."

I think of all the people this will effect. I'll be hurting everyone: Lestrade, Molly, ...But most importantly, you. I'm breaking your heart but I don't have a choice. And I count my sins The tears are flowing freely now; softly streaming down my cheeks as I fight for air. My throat and I can barely speak. I close my eyes as I attempt to breathe normally.

_And I close my eyes_

I savor these last few moments with you even if it is just over the phone. I listen to you breathe. I can hear the tightness in your throat as hot tears begin fill your eyes. I hear the sounds of London in the background, continuing on without us as if nothing is happening. I feel the cold wind blowing through my hair. It's ironic how the world is so calm, as if ignoring the turmoil we're going through.

_ And I take it in_

With me gone you'll be safe. Moriarty will have finally gotten what he wanted. Even in death, he wins. But you'll be safe and that's all that matters. The snipers will be called off. I will watch over you. No matter what, I will keep keep you safe. With the darkness fed I will be your scarecrow.

"Goodbye, John."

I drop the phone. I spread my arms. And I jump out into empty space.

_I'm bleeding out  
__I'm bleeding out for you  
__For you._


	2. Nightmares

_And the wolves all cry _  
_to fill the night with hollering_

I wake up thrashing in an attempt to escape my tangled bed sheets. Someone is screaming. My eyes are wide, but unseeing. My hands are clawing at the fabric. I can't breathe. After a few minutes, i calm down enough to realize that I'm in your room, in 221B...safe.

I break down and begin to sob. I curl around your pillow and bury my face in its scent. My nightmares are back, worse than ever. Sometimes they're about war, but usually, they're about you.

You are alone, in a forest. The trees are bare, their branches covered in snow. I see your heavy breath in the frigid air as you spin wildly, searching the darkness with bright eyes. I try to reach out to you, to tell you that I'm there, but I can't move and no sound will come out of my mouth.

Suddenly, you hear something or see something and your face fills with fear. You turn and run, sprinting through the forest, not stopping to even dust yourself off when you fall.

Eventually, the forest disappears and you are left in the open, your back to a sheer cliff. To your right, a swift river, cascades over the cliff in a plunging waterfall.

When you turn away from the dizzying drop, you see a lone wolf emerging from the trees. His coat is the deepest black and his icy blue eyes shine with malicious triumph as he stalks slowly toward you. He has you cornered, exactly where he wants you. In the blink of an eye, he lunges at you, jaws open wide. You fall to the ground, grabbing the wolf by the shoulders and rolling in an attempt to pin him down. The two of you fight and struggle, neither gaining the upper hand. Then, I see your eyes shift from panic to cold resolve. You throw all your strength into one last move, hurling yourself and the wolf off the cliff.

I run to the edge, my frantic screams lost in the roar of the waterfall. I look over the cliff, searching in vain, hoping to find you clinging to the side somewhere. But both you and the wolf are lost, forever, pulled under by the churning pool below.

This dream comes most nights. I am forced to lose you as I stand by and watch, over and over again. And then I wake up, cold and alone; my waking hours just an extension of my dreams.

I wake up thrashing in an attempt to escape my tangled bed sheets. Someone is screaming. My eyes are wide, but unseeing. My hands are clawing at the fabric. I can't breathe. After a few minutes, i calm down enough to realize that I'm in your room, in 221B...safe.

I break down and begin to sob. I curl around your pillow and bury my face in its scent. My nightmares are back, worse than ever. Sometimes they're about war, but usually, they're about you.

You are alone, in a forest. The trees are bare, their branches covered in snow. I see your heavy breath in the frigid air as you spin wildly, searching the darkness with bright eyes. I try to reach out to you, to tell you that I'm there, but I can't move and no sound will come out of my , you hear something or see something and your face fills with fear. You turn and run, sprinting through the forest, not stopping to even dust yourself off when you fall.

Eventually, the forest disappears and you are left in the open, your back to a sheer cliff. To your right, a swift river, cascades over the cliff in a plunging waterfall. When you turn away from the dizzying drop, you see a lone wolf emerging from the trees. His coat is the deepest black and his icy blue eyes shine with malicious triumph as he stalks slowly toward you. He has you cornered, exactly where he wants you.

In the blink of an eye, he lunges at you, jaws open wide. You fall to the ground, grabbing the wolf by the shoulders and rolling in an attempt to pin him down. The two of you fight and struggle, neither gaining the upper hand. Then, I see your eyes shift from panic to cold resolve. You throw all your strength into one last move, hurling yourself and the wolf off the cliff. I run to the edge, my frantic screams lost in the roar of the waterfall. I look over the cliff, searching in vain, hoping to find you clinging to the side somewhere. But both you and the wolf are lost, forever, pulled under by the churning pool below.

This dream comes most nights. I am forced to lose you as I stand by and watch, over and over again. And then I wake up, cold and alone; my waking hours just an extension of my dreams.


End file.
